On Our Path to Healing

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During a recent conversation with a former colleague and friend, we talked about the life lessons we learned while both working for the same employer and why we were brought there.  I explained to her that throughout my life, I appear to attract similar supervisors and employment environments. These environments reminded me of my childhood home, frequently emotionally chaotic and unstable.  As an adult, I ran from one employer to another, but I appear to attract the same situations and people no matter where or how far I ran.

I explained to my friend that I began to realize this recently about my life, and my lesson this time around is to learn how to deal with these chaotic and unstable emotional situations.  I believe that I ran from these circumstances because they remind me of my childhood home life that frightens me. However, as an adult, I have the means to protect myself, and make different choices.   As I was unable to cope with this as  a child and as an adult, I used the same coping mechanism of avoidance and escape as I essentially did as a child although I used dissociation, a psychological term that means mentally leaving my body so I could avoid feeling pain and trauma.

Now, as an adult, I realize that my life has been so limited.  I am essentially living a life of a phobic person.  People with phobias avoid their phobias or fears.  For example, if one is phobic to confined space, they would avoid working or living in a building with an elevator.  They would avoid all activities requiring confined or enclosed spaces, etc.  Those with phobias who have not overcome their phobias live a very limiting life full of avoidance and fear in dealing with their reality.

I realize that for my life now, I need to overcome my own phobias that is to learn to deal with people who remind me of my parents.  In order to do this, I must overcome my fears by healing my emotional trauma so that I no longer react to these people.  I earlier posted an article on “How to Achieve Non-Reaction.”  I believe this can be accomplished through Emotional Release Practice, and Ego Observing Practice, both can be found on these tabs on my Blogsite Homepage.

This realization has given me motivation to stay on course to overcome my past and to heal my emotional trauma, so I no longer need to use avoidance and escape as ways of coping with my life now. May you find your path to healing, Brooke (Copyright 2014 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)

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Incongruity in Spirituality


I have always been fascinated by the idea of incongruity between who we represent to others and who we really are inside, as I have observed so many people including those in the spiritual community who appear to represent themselves in one way then in actuality they are someone else all together.  This incongruity appears to be a human condition.  Yesterday, I was speaking with my graduate assistant who is studying Counseling Education to become a therapist/counselor, and we began talking about how even her professors appear incongruent between how they represent themselves and who they really are.  One of her professors practices meditation, mindfulness, and spirituality, but his behavior and reactions are based in ego and his smaller self.

This concept of incongruity was first introduced by Carl Rogers, an influential American psychologist and among the founders of the humanistic approach (or client-centered approach) to psychology. Rogers is widely considered to be one of the founding fathers of psychotherapy research.  “Rogers identified the “real self” as the aspect of one’s being that is founded in the actualizing tendency, follows organismic valuing, needs and receives positive regard and self-regard. It is the “you” that, if all goes well, you will become. On the other hand, to the extent that our society is out of sync with the actualizing tendency, and we are forced to live with conditions of worth that are out of step with organismic valuing, and receive only conditional positive regard and self-regard, we develop instead an “ideal self”. By ideal, Rogers is suggesting something not real, something that is always out of our reach, the standard we cannot meet. This gap between the real self and the ideal self, the “I am” and the “I should” is called incongruity.”

“Rogers described the concepts of congruence and incongruence as important ideas in his theory. In proposition #6, he refers to the actualizing tendency. At the same time, he recognized the need for positive regard. In a fully congruent person realizing their potential is not at the expense of experiencing positive regard. They are able to lead lives that are authentic and genuine. Incongruent individuals, in their pursuit of positive regard, lead lives that include falseness and do not realize their potential. Conditions put on them by those around them make it necessary for them to forego their genuine, authentic lives to meet with the approval of others. They live lives that are not true to themselves, to who they are on the inside out.”

“Rogers suggested that the incongruent individual, who is always on the defensive and cannot be open to all experiences, is not functioning ideally and may even be malfunctioning. They work hard at maintaining/protecting their self-concept. Because their lives are not authentic this is a difficult task and they are under constant threat. They deploy defense mechanisms to achieve this. He describes two mechanisms: distortion and denial. Distortion occurs when the individual perceives a threat to their self-concept. They distort the perception until it fits their self-concept.This defensive behavior reduces the consciousness of the threat but not the threat itself. And so, as the threats mount, the work of protecting the self-concept becomes more difficult and the individual becomes more defensive and rigid in their self structure.”

“If the incongruence is immoderate this process may lead the individual to a state that would typically be described as neurotic. Their functioning becomes precarious and psychologically vulnerable. If the situation worsens it is possible that the defenses cease to function altogether and the individual becomes aware of the incongruence of their situation. Their personality becomes disorganised and bizarre; irrational behavior, associated with earlier denied aspects of self, may erupt uncontrollably.”

As Roger’s theory indicates as long as we continue our distortions and denials, we will remain in this incongruity between our real self and ideal self unable to live an authentic life.  The first step is awareness of this incongruity, before we can begin to bring congruence between our real self and ideal self in order to live a more authentic spiritual life.  Blessings of light, Brooke (Excerpts from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Rogers, please see this link for the full biography and works of Carl Rogers)

Awareness of Traps in Psychological Counseling


In the course of my emotional healing and counseling work, I have had the opportunity to learn some common psychological phenomenons. These are the concepts of resistance, transference, and counter-transference.  These issues are normally spotted and identified by the therapist or counselor who establishes clear and healthy boundaries with the client so that it does not become a problem.  These issues become a serious problem if neglected or acted upon by the practitioner and the client.

Resistance is based on personal automatic ways of reacting in which clients both reveal and keep hidden aspects of themselves from the therapist or another person. These behaviors occur mostly during therapy, in interaction with the therapist. It is a way of avoiding and yet expressing unacceptable drives, feelings,fantasies, and behavior patterns. Examples of causes of resistance include: resistance to the recognition of feelings, fantasies, and motives; resistance as a way of demonstrating self-sufficiency; or resistance as clients’ reluctance to change their behavior outside the therapy room. The failure to recognize resistance will keep the client or ourselves stuck and unable to move forward in our emotional healing process.

In a therapy context, transference refers to redirection of a patient’s feelings for a significant person to the therapist. One definition of transference is “the inappropriate repetition in the present of a relationship that was important in a person’s childhood.” Another definition is “the redirection of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object.” Still another definition is “a reproduction of emotions relating to repressed experiences, especially of childhood, and the substitution of another person … for the original object of the repressed impulses.”

Transference is often manifested a sexual attraction towards a therapist, but can be seen in many other forms such as rage, hatred, mistrust, parentification, extreme dependence, or even placing the therapist in a god-like or guru status. Counter-transference is defined as redirection of a therapist’s or counselor’s feelings toward a client—or, more generally, as a therapist’s emotional entanglement with a client.

These dynamics between the therapist and the client are detrimental to the recovery and progress and can cause harm to the mental state of the client or ourselves. In psychological practice, it is strictly prohibited for the therapist or counselor to become emotionally or romantically involved with their clients.  This prohibited behavior can cause the practitioner to lose his/her medical license before a psychological licensing board, and continuing a relationship after discontinuing treatment also is considered unethical and strongly discouraged.

Awareness of these common psychological phenomenons can help with our own recovery and progress during our emotional healing process through psychological counseling. Sending healing light, Brooke (Copyright 2014 Kundalini Spirit with All Right Reserved)



Beware of Internet “Counseling”


I want to discuss with you about the dangers involved in Internet “Counseling.”  This is the type of counseling by those on the Internet who give counseling or psychological therapy without any training or license either for free or for a fee.  This is not guidance or advice from a blog, but someone who will talk with you by telephone or email to provide psychological “therapy” or “counseling.” There are those in the spiritual community who want to be gurus, so they call themselves “counselors.”

Please know that dealing with mental, psychological, or emotional issues is like playing with fire, it can burn your house down. Many who are experiencing emotional and mental issues are the most vulnerable and may be the easiest to manipulate as they are emotionally wounded. I have observed those who have chosen this kind of “counseling” where these counselors may take advantage of transference that is when the clients transfer their feelings about their parents onto their counselors. This is when the counselor must set appropriate boundaries with their clients, but instead they engaged in sexual or romantic relationships with their clients.  Because they are giving this service for free, they may feel entitled to cross these boundaries.  As they are not licensed to practice, they cannot be disciplined by a licensing board or lose their license

These so called counselors who are Kundalini active have the ability to manipulate energy such as emotions and thoughts.  They can convince their clients to engage in sexual or romantic relationships with them, that they have extraordinary powers to cure others, and they may refuse to let their clients leave.  The simple truth is that they are using their Kundalini abilities for self gain, for control, and to manipulate their clients. The only way to leave these situations is to disengage from them completely. Those with Kundalini abilities need to talk with you by telephone or interact with you directly to manipulate your emotions and thoughts.  Do not return their calls, emails, or texts!

All of this may seem very cynical, but I have observed those who have been duped in this way and unable to leave these counselors for many years.  These client’s emotional and mental health suffer as they now must heal the betrayal, lies, and manipulations of their counselors who they trusted and believed to help them recover emotionally.  This will result in emotional damage to yourself and cause you to become stuck and unable to move forward in your emotional and mental recovery.

Before engaging in any kind of therapy or counseling, please check to see if this person is licensed and trained.  You can verify their licenses and credentials with the National Board of Certified Counselors for those licensed in the United States at this LINK. Our emotional and mental health and recovery is our own responsibility, and we are responsible for making healthy, sound, and good choices for ourselves.  As for myself, I have decided to do my own emotional healing work after many years of counseling with professional licensed therapists.  Blessings, Brooke (Copyright 2014 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)

Unstable Kundalini Energy


Is it wise to become romantically involved with those whose Kundalini energy have not stabilized? When our Kundalini energy first rises, it is like lava shooting out of a volcano.  It is highly unstable and volatile as there is nothing subtle about this experience.  Our physical bodies go into crisis with many unexplained debilitating aches, illness, and chronic pains.  Our emotional state becomes unstable many times manifesting mental illness symptoms, including psychosis, auditory and visual hallucinations, and severe moods swings.

 Kundalini energy heightens physical and emotional conditions that already exists within us.  So if you have mild mental illness, you will have the extreme form of that illness when Kundalini energy rises, and if you already have physical ailments, those ailments may become debilitating. Many become disabled and even hospitalized as we may be unable to work, attend school, or even have a stable family life.

 Take all these problems and add another with similar problems who you are romantically involved.  My advise is to get professional or self help for your emotional and physical symptoms with someone who is familiar with Kundalini energy, and do not get involved romantically particularly with another whose Kundalini energy also is unstable.  Even becoming emotionally close with another who is Kundalin active when we are Kundalini active can create this sexual dynamic and emotional imprint that will keep us trapped in this dynamic.  It may take you years to separate from the other, even if we try to leave.

 If you are interested in stabilizing your Kundalini energy, please see this tab on my Blogsite Homepage.  Blessings of healing light, Brooke (Copyright 2014 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)

Why People Sexually Offend


As a person who experienced sexual abuse in my life, I am always trying to understand what causes someone to become a sexual abuser. My suggestion with meeting any new people in your life is to listen to your inner voice or intuition that will warn you of sex offenders.   Particularly with those of us with a sexual abuse history, it will feel familiar and even feel like attraction or love at first, but do not ignore your inner voice. I found an interesting article on why people sexually offend others and the psychological theories as follows:

Freud’s Psychodynamic Theory suggests that the three constructs of the psyche (id, ego, and superego) are in constant turmoil over energy. Some theorists suggest that sexual offenders have very weak superegos (morals) and very powerful ids (sexual impulses, libido). Freud actually introduced the idea of sexual abuse early in his career with the paper entitled, “The Seduction Theory”, but because his peers rejected such a concept, he revised his theory to be interpersonal or “in the head”. Freud also developed and expanded the idea of the unconscious, and numerous defense mechanisms to protect a person’s ego. Sexual offenders overly rely on the defenses of denial, displacement, and projection. Also at play would be the mother-son relationship. There is research to substantiate that the mother-son relationship is qualitatively different in sexual offenders than in non-offenders. Many times the sex offender’s mother may be “hot and cold”, “loving and hating”. Furthermore, many mothers initiate covert incest with their son. With covert incest, there is no physical sexual relationship between the mother and son; the mother tends to make her son into her spouse, save the sex. All of the aforementioned concepts would shape the young man into a sexual deviant.

Cognitive Behavioral Theory suggests that irrational beliefs and cognitive distortions help to initiate sexual deviancy. Soon after the offender becomes conditioned to negative sexual stimuli, with “orgasm” being the reinforcer. These constructs combined (cognitive/behavioral) create persistent patterns on how the offender behaves as well as views the world. The secrecy, among other constructs, soon becomes part of the conditioned response and perpetuates the deviancy. The Learning Theory is also a significant component of this approach. Children who are sexually abused learn sex through inappropriate means, and if exposed enough, children may internalize this learned behavior. Sex offenders do appear to view the world differently than “normal” men–they perceive women, children, sex, and arousal qualitatively different. When this occurs after a long period of time, the offender begins to behave accordingly. Many times the sexual offender suffers from chronic low grade depression, very low self esteem, has been ridiculed his entire life, and so forth. These traits tend to distort the offenders view of the world, and, for the molester, he may find comfort and acceptance in the children he so desires. Immaturity is a trademark of the child molester. This appears to occur due to the fact that he has not advanced emotionally since his tormented adolescent years.

Evolutionary Theory posits that males in general have learned throughout time to become more aggressive and dominant towards women in particular. This would be due to successful reproduction and passing on the male’s genetic material. The more aggressive males continued to pass on those genes while at the same time learning from prior generations. Prehistoric women were monogamous by nature–they needed men to assist them during and after childbirth. Without the assistance of man, the mortality rate for women and children would be substantially reduced. The more sexually aggressive males mated much more frequently than passive males, and therefore those genes kept evolving. Today, society becomes outraged when we compare human beings to animals. “We have advanced so much” “But our brains are so much more complex”. The truth reveals that the human sexual drive and behavior is very similar to that of other mammals. Though our brains have advanced throughout time, our inherent drive to reproduce has not. This theory may partially account for rape, but fails to address child molestation. A strong indicator of this theory is that most sexual crimes are committed by males.

Bio-medical model suggests that sexual offenders produce more testosterone than non-offenders, and is similar to the evolutionary theory. New research suggests that males with longer ring fingers than index fingers may have more testosterone in the body. I have found that the offenders I have worked with do, in general, have longer ring fingers than the substance abuse clients I have treated with no known history of sexual deviancy The production of testosterone is in the testes, thereby removing the testes reduces or eliminates testosterone (either surgically or chemically). There are numerous studies suggesting significant reductions in recidivism rates in those who have been castrated.

Learning Theory would suggest that an offender has somehow learned the sexual deviancy from his or her environment. This theory also incorporates “modeling”. This would suggest that the offender learned the behavior from watching someone else behave in a similar fashion, or even by their own sexual abuse. Studies have suggested that anywhere from 30% to 80% of offenders have been sexually abused themselves in the past, and this information may offer credible evidence to support this theory. There are many offenders, however, that report that they have never been sexually abused, and never witnessed sexual abuse in the past. Many offenders do appear to be continually learning and advancing in their sexual deviancy. They learn how to obtain victims more effectively; learn how far they can go; learn what things arouse them more; learn how to avoid or escape detection.

There are a number of “sub-theories” which may include the dynamics of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Attachment Theory, and so forth. For many of the clients I see (both adolescents and adult sexual offenders), many appear to share the same symptomology: low self esteem, poor self perception, depression, isolation from same age peers, difficulty achieving and maintaining intimate relationships, and their “comfort zone” appears to be limited to their victimology characteristics.

Why does one decide to “go over the edge” and sexually offend someone? First we must remember, what “edge” are we referring to, our own standards, or the offenders. It is very easy for us to say that the offender should have known better, and for us to search out the “hidden reasons” why an offender initially engaged in the behavior. What if the truth is that it is all they know? Their world has been plagued with inconsistencies and warped boundaries, that they did not attach the same connotations as “we” may have. Moreover, it is quite possible that many sex offenders are very self centered people who are very selfish, and were only looking to satisfy their own yearnings. ~ Rosenberg  and Associates. For the complete article and other resources, please see: http://www.angelfire.com/mi/collateral/page2.html